A Change of Heart

I always knew I would have non-biological children. From a very young age I had a heart for children from hard places. I was drawn to them. I knew it was a God-given desire.

My husband Landon and I have 3 biological children. I had always been open and honest with Landon about my desire to foster or adopt as well, but he didn’t share the same desire. Over time and much discussion, he seemed to be on board. I would get confirmation in prayer & scripture that led me to believe that this was God’s plan for our family.

While I was pregnant with our first child, God gave me a picture of my husband and I climbing a mountain. The climb was hard, but the view on the other side was amazing. Climbing behind us were children who we were cheering on to keep coming, to keep climbing. These children were not all our biological children, there were children of different backgrounds, children from hard places. This has always been a special picture to me.

One Sunday in church in 2017, I had a strong sense to pray for the birth mom of the future child that we would have in our home. I often prayed for any children we may have in our home, but I had never prayed for the birth mom. I spent that worship time praying for her. Then the pastor came up to speak and the title of the message was, “Foster and Adoption: The Heart of the Gospel.” I was shocked. I was overcome with emotion and wondered what God was trying to tell me. I told my husband after the service and we decided that we should go to an adoption information session.

A couple months later, we went to the adoption info night and on the way home, my husband told me that he had no desire to adopt or foster. I was crushed. I was devastated. I felt like he had led me on to believe we would do this one day. And with all the confirmation I had over the years, I wondered “God, what is going on here? Wasn’t that all from You??” Was this strong desire of mine not from God? Had I heard wrong?

However, even in my hurt, I was thankful that Landon was able to be honest with me about how he was feeling because one thing I knew for sure was that no matter how strong of a desire I had for this, I was not going to pursue it unless Landon and I could be a team. If we weren’t a team, then this wouldn’t work.

Over the next couple of weeks, I was dealing with hard emotions and feelings towards my husband and I told him them honestly. He responded and said, “If you want to foster/adopt that much, then you better pray that God changes my heart.” And he kind of said it in a tone like “good luck.” (He would admit to that too. 😊) We decided to not talk about it for 6 months and just pray. So I prayed.

Before the 6 months was up, Landon came to me and said that God was changing his heart towards fostering/adoption and that we could take a step in this direction! We applied to become foster parents and while we were taking the necessary courses, we got an email from someone from our church saying a young girl was needing a home for a short time, maybe a month. Would we be willing to have her stay with us? We said yes, and shortly after, she found out she was pregnant.

During her pregnancy, she asked if we would take her baby since baby would likely go into foster care. However, the agency was said we couldn’t. We were unsure why exactly, but we suspected it was because we were a good support for birth mom and they wanted to keep that going.

Then one fall day, we got a phone call asking us to take Baby after all! He was supposed to be born 5 weeks later, but instead 3 days after that phone call, we got news that he was born! We picked him up from the hospital and brought him home 2 weeks later!

He is now a year old and is such a joy in our home! We love him to pieces. Our other 3 kids pray diligently for him. We are uncertain what the future holds for us and him, but we are certain that God led us here and He is faithful!

My husband asked me a few weeks ago, “what is your dream?” I replied, “I’m living my dream right now.”

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