A journey through infertility.
When you're the wife of a politician, your life is an open book. People are very curious about your personal life because you have a very public existence.
Over the years I have been asked constantly, “How many children do you have?” or “Why don’t you have more than just one?” Yes, I have one child with me here on earth, but I have five babies waiting for me in Heaven. Quite often I say that our son Malachi is our miracle child and people stop asking questions. But sometimes I encounter those that want to hear about my journey through infertility.
When Kelvin and I decided to have children, I thought it would be easy. After the first miscarriage I was devastated. But after speaking to a few friends and family, I was told it was quite common to miscarry your first pregnancy. So I got excited about the fact that at least I could get pregnant and my next pregnancy would result in a healthy baby.
When I found out I was pregnant for the second, third, and fourth times, fear took over and I was so worried I would miscarry again. It came to the point that I was scared to go to the bathroom, fearing that I would see blood. I was scared to lift anything, as I believed this is what caused my miscarriages.
There were many nights, that I just cried myself to sleep. I prayed so hard to have a child and couldn’t understand why this was happening to me.
The worst was when I was invited to a baby shower. Everyone at the shower was so excited to see the baby and the new mom was so excited to talk about their precious newborn, as they should be, but I just couldn’t wait to get out of there. As soon as I would leave, the tears just came. After, the second baby shower I went to, I stopped going to more as it was too emotionally difficult on both me and Kelvin.
My pregnancies were always quite short - only four to six weeks - so I found that I wasn’t taken quite seriously with my miscarriages. But after the fourth miscarriage, I was referred to both the Heartland Clinic as well as an OBGYN near the Women’s Hospital for testing. After nearly two years and four miscarriages, any amount of time I had to wait for an appointment with a specialist seemed like a lifetime.
After the first series of tests, I found out that I had a vaginal septum and heart shaped uterus, and was scheduled for surgery to remove the septum. These tests were so painful and almost made me want to stop the process. In addition, I had so many people giving me advice of things to try, natural herbs to take, reflexology and I tried them all. Desperate for the chance to have a child.
And after, my fifth miscarriage, I told Kelvin that I didn’t want to become pregnant again. I was done with all the hurting and didn’t want to see him go through the pain anymore. But he felt that God was saying we needed to try one more time.
When I became pregnant again – for the sixth time - I made it further along than any of my other pregnancies before I began to spot again. My doctor ran some bloodwork and said things looked okay, but I was terrified. A week later, I had lost so much blood and the doctor confirmed that I had miscarried again and scheduled some more bloodwork.
The next day I got a call from my doctor saying that I was still pregnant! I was in shock! However, she said it looked like it was a molar pregnancy, which is a slow-growing tumor that develops from trophoblastic cells (cells that help an embryo attach to the uterus and help form the placenta after fertilization of an egg by a sperm). As a result, a D & C was scheduled, but for some reason, my doctor requested an ultrasound prior to the D & C.
The next day during my ultrasound, I was expecting to go in for surgery, knowing that my days of trying to have a child were over. Fortunately, God had other plans. The ultrasound technician stopped mid-procedure and said, “THERE IS A HEARTBEAT!”
No words could describe how thankful I was that God was giving us this miracle. I believe it was God who spoke through our doctor to order an ultrasound prior to surgery.
I couldn’t wait to buy maternity clothes and items for my baby! During my first trimester and part of my second, I was constantly worried until Kelvin and I attended the Encounter God Retreat through our church. This is where God truly spoke to me and showed me a vision of me holding my son and the worries and doubt immediately lifted.
Our son Malachi was born, healthy and strong, but not without many complications during labour and delivery. (Why would l expect anything less with everything else we had been through?!)
About two years after Malachi was born, we decided to try for another baby, but I wasn’t able to conceive. I went back to the Heartland Fertility Clinic for more tests and was diagnosed with a septum on my uterus and endometriosis.
After more surgeries and different medications, the doctor told me that I wasn’t able to have any more children and that is was a miracle I had one, as the lining in my uterus was not thick enough to maintain a pregnancy.
I was sad for a while, but God changed my heart and made me so strong through all of this. God gave us the miracle of our son Malachi and we are thankful everyday!
Sometimes when I think about my babies in heaven, I have this vision of my Dad and my Grandma watching over them and cuddling them while I wait to see them. And this just melts my heart!
I also couldn’t imagine going through this journey without my faith and without the wonderful support and love of my husband!
When life doesn’t go our way — which it rarely does — we don’t always know how to recover our wonder in trusting God. That’s when our faith is critical, because all the disappointment in the world will never change the promises of God, the reality of Jesus or His destiny for our lives. - Christine Caine
About the Author:
Kim is one of the kindest, most soft-spoken people you will ever meet. She is also one of the best-dressed and knows how to rock a Kate Spade dress, which is a great benefit for all the political functions she attends with her husband Kelvin. Kim, Kelvin, and Malachi are active in their community and are also known to be big fans of The Newsboys.
If you would like to send Kim a message, email email@example.com and put "Kim” in the subject line.